The Glockenspiel in the World of Pianos

Hello blogworld!

For those of you who are actually here - can I just start off by saying - wow! I'm impressed - I can't believe you are here - sitting in front of your phone or your computer reading the words blurted out of a jumbled, anxious mess of an 18 year old girl. Thank you. I want to tell you that this blog may not teach you anything in the end but I hope, if you're like me, lost in the world you realise that you are never alone. You've always got a buddy in me.

I'm definitely a girl who likes to start things, but I have a problem with finishing things. I may never finish anything that I do. I hope I finish this. 

For those of you who don't know me, I am Lauren - awkward, little, 5"2 (on a good day), girl about to go off to college, not sure who I want to be or what I want to do when i grow up. My family is amazing, and whenever the five of us are all together - everything is heaps of fun. I go to boarding school in New Jersey, and it's my senior year. I'm having nervous breakdowns every time I think about leaving Blair behind and starting at a whole new place - that's pretty fucking scary. (I told myself that I wouldn't swear but if you really wanted to know me, you would know I have the mouth of a sailor, and that swearing is a part of who I am)

My home is Hong Kong, and since I started going to school - I've always felt like a real weird ball in the crowd of people - never really finding my groove - never really knowing how to make friends. I've had my fair share of crushes that worked out and didn't work out - and each have molded me to be the person that I am today. I don't think I have a friend group - and thinking about that makes me kind of sad and makes me feel alone from time to time. I'm fucking lost in the world, confused by why mean things happen to nice people, confused on how sometimes I can be more selfish than kind, and what on Earth my role is in this so called rollercoaster of "life". I love deeply, and intently - and wonder if anyone in the world could feel or care for me the way I feel about them.

If you're feeling alone right now, even when you're surrounded by all these people, let me just tell you now - It's okay. I called this blog "The Glockenspiel in the World of Pianos" not just because glockenspiel is a funny word, but because sometimes my weirdness, goofiness, anxiety and fear makes me feel isolated from everyone else in the world. But maybe glockenspiels can be kind of cool, I mean aren't we sick of hearing the melodies from the same ole' piano? (Not that I have any hate toward pianos, I mean that instrument is damn majestic) But who doesn't like listening to something out of the ordinary, something that catches the glimpse of people's eye - something that's different.

You're different - and that's okay. Let's keep playing our music, glockenspiels of the world!



                                                                                                                 - Teeny, tiny & terrified

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