Die A Happy Man

Hi friends - disclaimer, this title is not mine, it is a song by Thomas Rhett. One of my favourite songs to ever exist in this world. Another thing, this is something I wrote - and yes this is how I feel, and whatever is happening is between me and this person, that'll be our little secret.

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When that familiar guitar strumming starts, my heart stops. No matter where I am, who I am with, my heart drops and a soft gasp escapes my mouth. Every time. The song gets me every time. Time slows down for a second, and and all the sudden my heart feels heavy. My heavy heart feels as though it’s about to drag my entire body under the grave and out of the light. It’s a mix of everything. Longing for the good old days, reminiscing all the memories of us dancing in nothing but the moonlight… Thinking of this reminds me of how broken I feel… It’s so bittersweet. If I could unlock my chest, you would see past the brick walls, stacked higher and higher, tile by tile every day, past the twisted vines of indecisiveness, there in the chamber, you will see a shattered heart. Glass everywhere, sharp but glittering with its reflection - there’s a hint of beauty to all the brokenness. When that song turns on, the shattered pieces levitate and try to come together - hope is illuminated.  I’ve always believed that the moment this song played anywhere, whether it’s on the radio when I’m driving, windows down and hair flying towards the lilac sky, on my iPod before I go to sleep, or in a restaurant with my family, there is hope for us. We are meant to be. I never believed in fate. But whenever I hear this song, I do.  

Baby you’re my great escape

Wherever I am, whenever I am upset I look to him with teary eyes and run into his arms. He knows the protocol. Me, running down the stairs, eyebrows furrowed, mascara running down my cheeks - he drops his backpack and holds out his arms. The ones that were made for holding me. I run into them and we just stand there. Silently crying, no complaining just the sound of his voice telling me to “Shh….” and “It’s going to be okay…”, him stroking my hair, soothing my worked up mind. In that moment, nothing is wrong. Everything that is wrong, just doesn’t exist here. It’s a safe haven. A lock on the door that promises you that everything is going to be okay. With him, I could jump off a cliff with a smile. With him, I could run a marathon. With him,  I can escape from the real world and forget that I exist.

Drive a sports car up the coast of California

I’ve always wanted to take a car and leave everything behind. I used to want to do that alone. After meeting him, I want him by my side. No matter or not I love him less, no matter what he put me through, no matter if we deserve something better, he’ll forever and always still be in that picture. That picture of me behind the steering wheel, looking over to him with a smile as his hand rests on top of my mine. Top down and messy hair flying in and out of the rolled down window. Country music on the radio as the city behinds us fades into one big shiny star. A star untouchable. We would drive to the ends of the world, towards the moon and up into the night sky. No one could stop us from dreaming. We would lie on the crescent moon, laugh at the little people beneath us, and he would see the reflected stars twinkling in my eyes.

Baby that red dress brings me to my knees

I walked out in that dress with the biggest smile plastered to my face. I hope he likes it. I hope he likes it. It was the first time in a long while I actually felt comfortable in my own skin. I walked down the stairs, feeling a little nervous - the butterflies were flying everywhere in my stomach. Still smiling, I see him. Standing there looking a little nervous himself. Fixing his cuffs and combing the gel through his hair, he finally looks up towards me. I can feel my face sizzling. Blushing, hot, sapphire, I am so embarrassed. His eyes are twinkling, shining, and today as I look back, I realized that they were probably watery. He grins - and all the world is well.

Then we danced in the dark under September stars in the pourin' rain

Dancing was always our thing. Whether it was plain stupid and ridiculous, he could always make me laugh. Dancing was when I first met him. It’s the one thing that hasn’t changed since I met him. The one thing. With the lights twirling around us, and in the sweaty, crowded room there’s only me and him. It’s us, laughing and just having a good time. It’s the moment you want to keep in a bubble forever, and be able to go back and live in it again when life get’s tough. It’s the one moment in your life where you wish you could repeat the way you felt whenever you wanted to. I don’t think I laughed as hard as I did that night. I didn’t believe in that magic bullshit, but that night could only be described as magical. Something that people dream of of being able to have. So young, but so real.

Whatever love is, I’m pretty sure this is as close that I’ve been and ever will get to it. You are good. You can stop time, and you can make worries and fears fade away into the distance. You can change a girl’s world just by looking at her and you can make the world dance with light. Whoever it is in your life, I know you will make their lives brighter, shinier, better, stronger… whole.

If all I got is your hand in my hand, baby I could die a happy man.