Chip
A puppy holds a special place in our hearts.
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My sister is kind of a pessimistic girl, she's into dark humor, and not really the type to "snuggle" and kiss and hug...
Basically the complete opposite of me.
However, there is one special thing that we can both agree on.
This dog has done something to soften our hardened hearts.
This dog has done something to soften our hardened hearts.
Last night, after hearing the news that our little peewee of a dog wouldn't recover and that it was time to let him go, she called me.
I picked up the phone to a scratchy-voiced: "Hi."
And just like that my heart broke.
And even though it broke, I could feel my sister's heartbeat pulse through my veins, I could feel her broken pieces in my heart. I felt connected to her.
The sniffles were soon muffled by cries and sobbing. I couldn't help but sob too. It was all the memories of the little puppy that brought my sister, my brother and me together. Chip made us laugh. Chip made us happy and connected. Which is the greatest gift any puppy can do for a home in need.
I can still remember the moment we first met them. They were outside in the garden, and I remember my mom opening the door to let them in. I heard little pitter-patter of feet scurring towards me.
They were so small!!!!!!!
These teeny-weeny dogs were the cutest things I have ever, ever seen. You could hold them in your palms and they were so so adorable. They would lick everything and jump up and down from our laps and whimper every time they wanted attention. One was more energetic than the other one. She would get jealous and attack the other whenever she thought he was getting more attention. Crazy dogs.
I remember calling my sister, so excited for her to see our new puppies. She picked up and I held the dog in my arms and said: "LOOK AT OUR NEW PUPPIES!!"
I remember the first bath we gave them. Us in our ugly shirts and our stinky shorts putting soap that was definitely not meant for dogs onto their white, snowy fur. I remember them shaking to the cold, wrapped under the towels that my mother would later kill us for using on muddy dogs, and us feeling terrible for having made them cold - but fuck, they were so stinky. I remember my brother and my sister laughing because of how they looked with wet fur - absolutely ridiculous.
I remember being sick in bed, and having the sniffles. I remember almost blowing my nose into the fur of Chip.
I remember the car ride to Disneyland, and Teacup falling asleep with her head up, looking absolutely crazy. I remember laughing with my sister and my brother for days about it and how funny it was that she did that. Those photos live on.
I remember my sister putting on costumes on Chip, and him hating it so much that he would refuse to move and stand there with his teeth out, looking like the most unhappy, grumpy dog ever. It was the funniest thing I have ever seen.
I remember Christmas, our first Christmas when I felt the most happy in my entire life - it was picture perfect. I remember being so thankful, I wrote it down at Church as one of the things I was most thankful that year for, The two of them in my lap, Chip falling asleep right there on my leg, warming my thighs. He was so cute. They filled the gaping holes in our family Christmas card, and everything felt at peace.
I remember when Chip started getting sick. When he started having back pain, and was in so much pain that he would start screaming like a chicken. At first it was funny, but then it was heartbreaking.
I remember the video that my dad took of Chip taking a HUGE bone from a rib-eye steak that had a mass twice as big as himself, dragging the bone from the kitchen to his little cage to munch on.
I remember crying, and holding the puppies. They would never break my heart like this boy would.
I remember all of these great things, and all I can do right now is wipe away these pools of tears from my salty keyboard and tell myself it's going to all be okay.
But will it be? I'm starting to think this year was absolutely terrible, that I've encountered loss after loss, I am not sure how much more I can handle.
When I think of Chip, I think of a puppy who took bullying from his sister, I think of a silly goober, who even though knows we laugh and tease him, still wants to snuggle up to me. I think of a pup who looks at me when I cry. I think of a pup who is going through a lot of pain.
And I realize that it's time.
No more suffering. I can't bare to know that he is suffering.
And so it comes to this.
The moment so bitterly hoped would never happen, but one that is needed for true peace...
And so it comes to this.
The moment so bitterly hoped would never happen, but one that is needed for true peace...
I want to say thank you to my parents, who were very much against puppies, but still took care of them when I went to boarding school and college. I want to say a huge thank you to Uncle Benson and Vivian Jie Jie, who were mom and dad to them. Chip loved and adored both of you the most.
Lastly, I want to say thank you to Chip. I know you're only a dog, but you represented a good chunk of my childhood, and I'll always think of only happy times when I think of you. Thank you for being my favourite. Thank you for being so brave. Thank you for being everything this broken family needed from a pup. You will always bring us together.
I love you so much. A puppy holds a special place in our hearts.
This one certainly does.
This one certainly does.
Rest in peace, beautiful.
You're never alone.
-teeny, tiny and terrified
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