Sometimes
Sometimes, it doesn't feel right to cry.
Sometimes, you'll sit in your room, pain weighing your chest, the feeling that you might die and be crushed by this overwhelming hurt - but someone walks into your room, and you wipe away your tears and forget about it.
Sometimes, you'll feel like you're boring people every time you mention his name.
Sometimes, you think that no one will want to listen.
Sometimes, you'll think about it, dwell on it, and you'll tell yourself that you're stupid to care, and you'll continue working on whatever it is in your busy life that consumes you.
Sometimes, you'll watch Friends or the Office to distract your mind, and in every rare, profound moment in those silly shows will make you think of it - all the past good and the past pain.
Sometimes, you'll go out just so you can think about anything else -
And sometimes, you'll come home and all you can do is think about just that - and feel an overwhelming sens of sorry for yourself.
Sometimes, you'll choose to stop drinking, because you know it makes you think about him.
Sometimes, you'll swallow the speech you've been working on, smile, tuck it away, and say how happy you are for him.
Sometimes, he'll surprise you.
Sometimes, you'll want to hit him -
And sometimes, you'll want to kiss him.
Sometimes, you just want to feel how it felt to have someone that cares about you, that wants to hold you and never let go.
Sometimes, you'll worry that you forgot what it felt like to be in love.
Sometimes, you'll remember everything he kept of her, and you'll feel stupid for even caring now, for even having any shred of hope.
Sometimes, you'll realize that he's not over you.
Sometimes, you'll find a note from him in your pocket dated a year ago and think he's your destiny.
Sometimes, he'll betray your trust. He'll hurt you.
Sometimes, it won't be him who betrays your trust, but someone you thought would never hurt you.
Sometimes, you'll think that if a bus hit you today, it wouldn't be so bad.
Sometimes, you'll curse at him, you'll tell yourself you're better -
And sometimes, you'll be full of regret and feel unworthy.
Sometimes, you realize he isn't thinking about you, not even an ounce.
Sometimes, you realize that you'll never really know what he's feeling. You'll never really know him anymore.
Sometimes, your parents won't understand.
Sometimes, the people that you care about die,
And sometimes, you'll never just get why.
Sometimes, you'll feel like the ugliest girl in the whole world -
And sometimes, you'll feel like the most beautiful girl in the bar.
Sometimes, you won't care a single bit about doing anything,
And sometimes, you'll lose your motivation.
Sometimes, you'll question if God exists.
And sometimes, you'll be a 100% sure He does.
Sometimes, you'll feel fat, like you can't eat candy, even if you only weigh about 105 pounds.
Sometimes, the people who fall in love with your broken pieces are the ones you could never imagine.
And sometimes, the ones you imagine would love you forever...
don't.
Sometimes, it doesn't feel right to cry.
Yet, your whole heart will want you to cry.
Just cry.
Please, cry.
Cry your heart out, cry your brains out, cry until your whole body hurts.
Because sometimes, people will push all the pain, all their encounters so far down their esophagus, so far down their lungs, so far down their stomach - that they suffocate.
And sometimes, they die.
And their soul dies with it.
Nothing but a tearful story that lives on with wilted beauty that fades into the mighty dust.
But sometimes, a bubbly blonde beauty will skip away, to find your body, to help you pack, to take out her first aid kit -
She'll perform CPR, and the seed,
and the pit
that was so far down your esophagus, pass your lungs and down to your stomach -
She'll get it out.
And sometimes, she'll save your life.
She'll turn the rusty tap clockwise, and release the rivers.
Beautiful rivers
and waterfalls -
and deltas
that overflow her heart
and yours.
They Cascade into diamonds,
Crystalize into a tiny, grain of hopeful sugar.
Sweet, raw and real.
You'll realize that
Sometimes, you'll cry for 24 hours, you'll cry even if you don't know why you're crying.
Sometimes, you won't stop crying for hours and hours, even if it's on the phone with the coach you could have sworn had a heart made of stone.
Soon, you'll find that sometimes, you'll be able to go to the movies by yourself, you'll be able to apply to a different job, and you'll be able to pass all your classes.
You'll be able to start brand new.
Begin again.
Sometimes, I hope you know that it's okay to cry your heart out, sometimes.
Sometimes, you'll sit in your room, pain weighing your chest, the feeling that you might die and be crushed by this overwhelming hurt - but someone walks into your room, and you wipe away your tears and forget about it.
Sometimes, you'll feel like you're boring people every time you mention his name.
Sometimes, you think that no one will want to listen.
Sometimes, you'll think about it, dwell on it, and you'll tell yourself that you're stupid to care, and you'll continue working on whatever it is in your busy life that consumes you.
Sometimes, you'll watch Friends or the Office to distract your mind, and in every rare, profound moment in those silly shows will make you think of it - all the past good and the past pain.
Sometimes, you'll go out just so you can think about anything else -
And sometimes, you'll come home and all you can do is think about just that - and feel an overwhelming sens of sorry for yourself.
Sometimes, you'll choose to stop drinking, because you know it makes you think about him.
Sometimes, you'll swallow the speech you've been working on, smile, tuck it away, and say how happy you are for him.
Sometimes, he'll surprise you.
Sometimes, you'll want to hit him -
And sometimes, you'll want to kiss him.
Sometimes, you just want to feel how it felt to have someone that cares about you, that wants to hold you and never let go.
Sometimes, you'll worry that you forgot what it felt like to be in love.
Sometimes, you'll remember everything he kept of her, and you'll feel stupid for even caring now, for even having any shred of hope.
Sometimes, you'll realize that he's not over you.
Sometimes, you'll find a note from him in your pocket dated a year ago and think he's your destiny.
Sometimes, he'll betray your trust. He'll hurt you.
Sometimes, it won't be him who betrays your trust, but someone you thought would never hurt you.
Sometimes, you'll think that if a bus hit you today, it wouldn't be so bad.
Sometimes, you'll curse at him, you'll tell yourself you're better -
And sometimes, you'll be full of regret and feel unworthy.
Sometimes, you realize he isn't thinking about you, not even an ounce.
Sometimes, you realize that you'll never really know what he's feeling. You'll never really know him anymore.
Sometimes, your parents won't understand.
Sometimes, the people that you care about die,
And sometimes, you'll never just get why.
Sometimes, you'll feel like the ugliest girl in the whole world -
And sometimes, you'll feel like the most beautiful girl in the bar.
Sometimes, you won't care a single bit about doing anything,
And sometimes, you'll lose your motivation.
Sometimes, you'll question if God exists.
And sometimes, you'll be a 100% sure He does.
Sometimes, you'll feel fat, like you can't eat candy, even if you only weigh about 105 pounds.
Sometimes, the people who fall in love with your broken pieces are the ones you could never imagine.
And sometimes, the ones you imagine would love you forever...
don't.
Sometimes, it doesn't feel right to cry.
Yet, your whole heart will want you to cry.
Just cry.
Please, cry.
Cry your heart out, cry your brains out, cry until your whole body hurts.
Because sometimes, people will push all the pain, all their encounters so far down their esophagus, so far down their lungs, so far down their stomach - that they suffocate.
And sometimes, they die.
And their soul dies with it.
Nothing but a tearful story that lives on with wilted beauty that fades into the mighty dust.
But sometimes, a bubbly blonde beauty will skip away, to find your body, to help you pack, to take out her first aid kit -
She'll perform CPR, and the seed,
and the pit
that was so far down your esophagus, pass your lungs and down to your stomach -
She'll get it out.
And sometimes, she'll save your life.
She'll turn the rusty tap clockwise, and release the rivers.
Beautiful rivers
and waterfalls -
and deltas
that overflow her heart
and yours.
They Cascade into diamonds,
Crystalize into a tiny, grain of hopeful sugar.
Sweet, raw and real.
You'll realize that
Sometimes, you'll cry for 24 hours, you'll cry even if you don't know why you're crying.
Sometimes, you won't stop crying for hours and hours, even if it's on the phone with the coach you could have sworn had a heart made of stone.
Soon, you'll find that sometimes, you'll be able to go to the movies by yourself, you'll be able to apply to a different job, and you'll be able to pass all your classes.
You'll be able to start brand new.
Begin again.
Sometimes, I hope you know that it's okay to cry your heart out, sometimes.
Comments
Post a Comment
Ask me anything!