It's Time

To my fellow readers: 

The events that took place in Parkland, Florida hit me with shock and heartbreak as I know it has for people all around the world. The matter hurt my heart and made my head spin. Sometimes, things happen and we don't what to say, and sometimes, words flow out like bad spaghetti.

Below, is the transcript of an interview I had with a friend at Princeton. She asked me to spill everything to a camera, how I felt and what I wanted to say - and this is what went down. It was an interesting experience, an intense and emotional one filled with tears and heartache.

Thank you. Thank you for reading, thank you for being here. I love you.

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My name is Lauren Tung.

I was born in 1998 in San Francisco, California.

I was born to two very loving parents, and they really love each other.

And I was born into a family that - um - is so caring and they really taught me what it really means to love someone even through difficult times.

I would say that - I am quite privileged - in the way that I have access to education, the top education in the world, and not a day goes by when I don’t think about how lucky I am.

Some people will say that I don’t deserve to be where I am today - but I know I have worked hard and I know I have care and passion that I know one day, maybe,this video will be used to change the world - as ridiculous as that sounds.

I was born into a family that cares. And they have taught me every day - my grandpa, my mom, my dad, my sister, and my brother, no matter what we do, is that we care for the people around us. We care for them in a way that we would give up a lot in order to make their day. And I am so lucky to grow up in a place where they taught me to care. I mean, when I was younger my mom used to take me and my sister, we were really young kids, to an orphanage, and we would stay there in the summer. We would be sleeping and playing with kids that had cleft-palate syndromes, that had -  heart disease and a few of them even today I know, passed away. And I grew up with that. And I’m not - I am thankful in the way that when I look at people that are in pain, or need help, or look different from us, like I’ve never ever hesitated… I’ve never ever judged them because my mom has always taught me that you grew up with them, what makes them different? You know. 

My mom is the most amazing human being in the world. For example, my aunt had a wedding in Paris and we’re very lucky to go to this wedding in Paris, I know. And, she took all the leftover food and gave them all out to refugees begging on the streets. And you can ask any of my friends that know me, I care a lot about people on the street because my mom has taught me to do that. And, whether I order sushi in New York… or whether I have leftover risotto… in Hong Kong, they know how... I'm sorry... or like a “leftover” burger, they know how I give away those burgers because my mom has always taught me to do that. I'm sorry. I don't know why this makes me cry.

And my dad - is equally amazing, I didn’t know this but he meets with a bunch of non-profits from his job, like outside of his job, and he listens to them and he tries his best to use his work to help others and don- and he wants to contribute to the right charities and I didn’t know he did this. One time he took me to this river blindness in the Congo um, organisation where they cure river blindness in the Congo and all I want to do is go to the Congo and I think I might go to the Congo next summer. They just taught me to care so much, and I am just so lucky. 

But the one thing about caring so much - is that... this year... this year has been heartbreaking. 

And.. I'm sorry. Growing up in Hong Kong and then coming here… has taught me so much.

We, humans, take so much for privilege. We self-pity. And I have… We… Um… get this sort of sick, twisted, um… like, kind of reason for ourselves to do certain mean things because we feel bad for ourselves and we are selfish. I’ve seen that since I’ve been in America.

I’ve seen more terrorist attacks. I’ve seen presidents that say nasty things. I’ve seen… discovered that, even… Obama is the president that had the most deportations in the history of presidents which I don’t think I would’ve known if I wasn’t so lucky to go to Princeton and take this immigration class.

Yesterday, when the Florida shooting broke out, I was going on my run and… I looked up, and I watched the news and my heart sank. Tears were welling in my eyes as, I just thought about seventeen kids. Seventeen kids. Who has the heart to even kill.. a single person? Who would have the heart to kill seventeen kids? There was so much anger that he went and that came from it… I can’t imagine that. 

I’ve spent so much of my time being scared of speaking up. I’ve spent so much of my time self-pitying, wallowing in sadness for myself. I spent so much time listening to so many heartbreaking stories in the past 8 - I mean 5 years, it will be 8 by the time I graduate from Princeton. But I…

As humans we need to step it up. We need to take a moment, and stop wallowing in sadness and anger. We need to wake up. I don’t know how to make things better. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. But there is one thing for sure that I know - is that I want to help human beings. And when I was younger, I thought maybe, if I did acting and singing that would make me feel fulfilled - but right now, I feel more sadness and pain than I have ever felt, even more so than in my happiness from acting and singing. 

We’ve been so afraid of what people will say to us, about us, in social media, in the community…

We’ve been - I know what it’s like to go through hard things. I know what it’s like to be pushed down, beaten down, and not being in the know, or feel like you’re able stand up or live another day. I know how that feels. I promise you I have been there. But so many of us, so many of us, the people - even the people that kill people, that do terrorist attacks, that hurt other people, that bully people - no matter what, we’ve all been through things that have beaten us down.

And… I know that I share that same experience as a terrorist, I know I share (laughs) - Let me just rephrase that, I know that I share the same feeling that even as a terrorist would when they feel like they will never stand up again, like they will not escape the evil. Or when the kid - when Nikolas Cruz, shot seventeen kids - I know that feeling that he would never stand up in his life again, and that there is no reason to live. So many of us have that same, familiar feeling. We just don’t know how to say it. We are so ashamed. We don’t know how to speak up, we don’t know how to take care of ourselves. So we do things, like hurt other people. People do things because they don’t know what their purpose is anymore in life.

I have no idea what I am doing filming this video. But I know that I have to speak up. 

I have spent so much time looking for the glimmer in the dust, I have spent so much time picking any shiny parts from the sand and telling myself that there is hope in the future. And I can’t do this by myself, because there are moments in time when I am dragged down too, and I need someone to pick me up. So please, whoever you are, whoever is watching this video, the next person you see down, you pick them up. Don’t let them become the next Nikolas Cruz, don’t let them become the next Donald Trump, don’t let them become the next terrorist. You never know what hurt can do to another person. I am privileged because I know there are people that will help me stand up.

I know that in my life, I will endure more heartbreak to come - and it’s going to hurt me, sooo much in the future. 

Don’t let the darkness take you in. Don’t let it.

I know there seems like no purpose right now.

Everyone feels alone. Even the people that you think have it all. Everyone feels alone. 

We all have been, where Nikolas Cruz has felt in his life. We’ve all felt the same way. And that’s scary, and I don’t want to link myself up to someone that kills seventeen kids, and I don’t want to link you up to someone that kills seventeen kids - but we all have this connection.

And we can point fingers at him, we can be angry at him, because I know I am, but at the end of the day… we are given these hearts to love and… that’s the greatest privilege of them all, right? So why waste your time being angry, being mean to someone? There is no reason.

I recently discovered that, I have such problems when people don’t like me, and I recently discovered that there was this girl that came to my school to visit, to be 'fake' nice to me or whatever - and that hurt me. Then I thought to myself, why the bother? I don’t care what you think of me, because I have known for my whole life, I have tried every single day of my life to fight the blackness, to fight the anger, to fight the sadness, and to know that whatever is come in the future - I’m going to do something amazing. And this isn’t just me - we are all one of these angels in God’s army. We are all one of those soldiers. And I don’t know when it is my time to shine or whatever, or when my happiness will come, but it’s coming. And so is yours. 

I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Like today, I was thinking maybe I should be a policitician, maybe I should be a preacher… maybe…

But I know that my goal in life is to help people. And imagine if all our goals in lives was just to help people and stop focusing on ourselves:

I don't think Nikolas Cruz would’ve pulled that shit.

So America, the world, we need to step it up. 

I have the privilege to be with people that love me, that show me how to take care of other people besides myself, how to love people even when they are difficult. I am so lucky. And there are so many people that don’t get that privilege. So if you’re one of those people that do get that privilege. Use it.

Use what you were taught to help people. And I know I say help people a lot, but you have no idea what kindness can do to a person. And it’s not just temporary kindness, I’m done with that oh just smile at a stranger bullshit - I mean like continued kindness. Like kindness that doesn’t end. 

I know I am a ridiculous person - for crying on a treadmill when I see bad news. I know I am a ridiculous person and I know I am brokenhearted. But I am so done listening to all this stupid anger and sadness - like building walls in immigration class. Why is that a thing? Why is - Why aren’t we more accepting?

There are so many people standing up there, fighting, and no one is listening. So just listen. Just - accept others. Just keep an open mind. 

Oh my gosh, (laughs) I was thinking about how ridiculous Shia LaBouf was up there going “JUST! DO IT!”, and here I am crying into the camera, looking you dead in the eye, almost - I’m doing the exact same thing. I am so frustrated with the world.

But even under all this frustration, I always see hope. And this is what I mean finding the glimmer in the dust.

I believe that something amazing is going to happen. But nothing can happen, nothing amazing can be born, if we stop trying.

So fight for good with me, and don’t give up.

Don’t give up.