When You Turn 18

When you turn 18,
the world looks a little bigger. Your back gets a little straighter, and your hair gets a little shorter.

When you turn 18,
you are expected to make big decisions, you will march full steam ahead, into an unknown so deep and blue, if you turn around you might not see what was left behind.

When you turn 18,
your parents cut your allowance a little, like somehow you will earn that money for yourself - they expect you to drive your little brother, and to pick up groceries from the market.

When you turn 18,
Things start to go a little grey, like the fog from the sky is seeping down into your eyesight, you pretend it doesn't exist and lose your breath trying to blow away the inevitable.

When you turn 18,
you will love, but with a sheet of metal. You'll hug your boyfriend with space between your two hearts because you've been hurt before. You'll decide it's time to protect yourself.

When you turn 18,
you will question love. Do you even know what it is? Is he even giving me love? You will make mistakes in relationships and lose who you really are.

When you turn 18,
toxic relationships will engulf you, you'll learn that the hard way, and the sun won't come out for a little while.

When you turn 18,
you'll realize something that you regret. You'll make a mistake so terrible, you would do anything to go back in time to kiss the past.

When you turn 18,
You will graduate, you'll be a big boy, you'll pretend like you've got it all figured out, maybe you'll try your first cigeratte, or pretend like you know how to play beer pong.

When you turn 18,
You'll learn how to be grateful. You'll learn to look at your parents with love and care. You'll realize how lucky you are to have people that care.

When you turn 18,
you will question where toxicity comes from, and the only way for toxicity to go away, is to be okay with yourself first.

When you turn 18,
You will see things you've never seen before. You'll see worlds you didn't know exist. You'll go to places that you will try to smell and grasp in everything that you do, even after months.

When you turn 18,
your mind will open up like a little bomb. The world will be a garden with the occasional dark maze - it will be both confusing and exciting.

When you turn 18,
you will accept that some things will never make sense.

When you turn 18,
you'll have your first real breakdown. And you will feel alone. Because, in the end of the day, you'll lie down on your head facing the blank sky, and see that, indeed, you are alone.

When you turn 18,
you'll realize that you need to be alone. You'll realize maybe it's time to get to know this new me, myself and I.

When you turn 19,
all you can do is wish you were 18.

But you'll stand up, stand straight, push through -
take a deep breath
you'll do it all over again,
and the sun will come out.



                                                                                                           -teeny, tiny and terrified

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