You Matter to Me

Somewhere in the middle, no where special,
Chester, New Jersey (maybe near a river).

Four words.
Four words we probably say separately on a daily basis.
You,
Matter,
To,
and Me.

"Fuck youuu"
"It doesn't even matter"
"I'm going to that"
"Fine with me"

I know I say the above quite a bit.

But the four words strung together?
I don't think so.

So let me say it today, you matter to me.

Can I say that again to you?

You matter to me.

You. matter to me.

You matter to me,
so so so fucking much man.
So so much so, I don't think you could quite comprehend how I feel about you.
You couldn't comprehend how much I cared about you -
How much you cross my mind -
How I wonder what you're doing,
and just maybe, if you wonder about me too.

You matter to me in the way I make decisions
from what I learned from you.
I choose to do good
because your goodness and your kindness matter to me.
I choose to push away and turn away
because your harsh words, your insults - they, matter so fucking much to me, too.
Sometimes they matter more
than the good.


You matter to me in the way that even though I am no longer beside you,
even though I no longer sit there in that hallway with you
I can still feel it
Forehead to forehead
I can still breathe in the smell of your grey sweatshirt.

You matter to me in the way that
you never tried to kiss me
But all you did was hold
me
Without an inch of selfishness to it,
resting your chin
on my hair,
as your stroke my hand
in your
hand
like
I just could really matter to you.

I no longer listen to your worries
even though
I still really want to.
Because, they still matter to me.
They really do.

You matter to me
when you stop
and hold my arm
in your hands
and trace
the bruises
and wipe away the tears.

You matter to me
because everyday
I tried to show you
that I loved you.
Every conversation about your sister.
Every hot chocolate
Every fruit cup
Every hallway talk
Every time I got mad at you for smoking.

It was because
you matter to me.

No one has ever shown me that
I mattered

And
I mattered to someone
for one moment
in this world.

But more importantly, I mattered to you.

And all the world was good.

You will always matter to me.

I hope I just might matter to you.



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