A Great One
I've always felt like a little bit like a nomad. No where I really belong, no where to really call home; a wandering traveller, roaming the world trying to think of what I can possibly do to make some sort of positive indentation on this big, scary world, alone.
I've always felt like a little bit of a dreamer. I tell myself I'm going to be a great one. I'm going to be the one that does the impossible. I'm going bring people together despite all their differences, maybe I could get all of us to raise love over everything else. Wouldn't that be a kinder world? I've always wanted people to know and really feel that they are never alone, never in what they feel, never in the highs or lows of their journey, never in their moments of sadness that may feel impossible to explain. The funny thing is, I've always imagined this mission of mine to make sure no one is alone, done alone.
I've always felt like a little bit of a thinker. Like no one else has a brain that churns quite similarily to the way mine does. No one has a galaxy of conscious thoughts of all their actions, words and thoughts that they play on repeat in their little heads, that they nitpick to make sure they always try to say the courageous and the kind. No one overthinks in the way that I do. No one thinks of how the world might be connected in this complicated web in the way I do. No one feels the way I really want to feel the pain that you feel. No one overthinks complicated details in how in every action that we make we have a choice to choose good, how to really choose selflessness over selfishness, because in the end of the day, I may be the only person in the world who truly believes we can help others without any kind of selfish motive. For all my life, I have lived in my own messy head, in my own messy world, alone.
I've always felt like a little bit of a fighter. Yeah, I'll fight the hurtful. I'll throw hands. I want to fight the ones that dare to hurt the ones that I love. I fight the bullies, I will get suspended (lol), I will slap a boy (lol again), I will always fight for you. I will always try to fight for the underdogs, because we're all underdogs. I will fight without even thinking about the consequences because there's this rage in me that makes me feel a fierry pit of hell when I see something that just doesn't make sense to me, something that makes someone else feel unworthy, alone.
I've always wanted to do these things, these crazy things alone. Live alone. Figure it out alone. Be alone. I’m happy alone. The thing is, I've been obssessed with the idea of being independent. I can remember when I’ve been hurt, and I don't want to ever be in that place again. Why would I open up my world to someone who was just going to tear it down again? Why would I give someone that kind of power?
I don't want to hurt again, I don't want to live in heartbreak again, I don't want to do it again, I can't do it again. I don't want to, I don't want to. I won't. I want to do this alone. I can do this alone.
But as I start to think about my life in these last few weeks, my life feels like a song. There's this symphony, swirling behind me, playing music I've never heard, filling my ears with music that i’ve never been used to. This song is comforting, it is sweet, and it is kind-hearted. This song wraps me up in its arms and makes me feel in a way that I've never felt before. This song won't judge me, it will only accept me. This song won't blame me, it will only hold me. The song won’t criticize me, it will only illuminate my broken parts for beautiful parts. This song puts me first, even in moments I can't understand why it would. This song is starting to make me believe in goodness, in kindness and in a kind of selfless love that I never knew another human could be capable of feeling. This song makes me feel like maybe it's okay to have it here. Okay, this song is starting to sound nothing like a song. lol.
Maybe it's okay to figure out life not alone. Maybe it's okay to wander and explore the world not alone. Maybe it's okay to dream of a better world not alone. Maybe it's okay to say your most weird, crazy, dark, overthought thoughts to someone, to think in a world, not alone. Maybe it's okay to fight evil not alone. Maybe it's okay to be a nomad, a dreamer, a thinker, and a fighter with someone great.
Let something great come in, even when it's scary, because at the end of my life, I realize that maybe, hey, maybe I don't want to do this alone.
You're never alone.
- teeny, tiny & terrified
I've always felt like a little bit of a dreamer. I tell myself I'm going to be a great one. I'm going to be the one that does the impossible. I'm going bring people together despite all their differences, maybe I could get all of us to raise love over everything else. Wouldn't that be a kinder world? I've always wanted people to know and really feel that they are never alone, never in what they feel, never in the highs or lows of their journey, never in their moments of sadness that may feel impossible to explain. The funny thing is, I've always imagined this mission of mine to make sure no one is alone, done alone.
I've always felt like a little bit of a thinker. Like no one else has a brain that churns quite similarily to the way mine does. No one has a galaxy of conscious thoughts of all their actions, words and thoughts that they play on repeat in their little heads, that they nitpick to make sure they always try to say the courageous and the kind. No one overthinks in the way that I do. No one thinks of how the world might be connected in this complicated web in the way I do. No one feels the way I really want to feel the pain that you feel. No one overthinks complicated details in how in every action that we make we have a choice to choose good, how to really choose selflessness over selfishness, because in the end of the day, I may be the only person in the world who truly believes we can help others without any kind of selfish motive. For all my life, I have lived in my own messy head, in my own messy world, alone.
I've always felt like a little bit of a fighter. Yeah, I'll fight the hurtful. I'll throw hands. I want to fight the ones that dare to hurt the ones that I love. I fight the bullies, I will get suspended (lol), I will slap a boy (lol again), I will always fight for you. I will always try to fight for the underdogs, because we're all underdogs. I will fight without even thinking about the consequences because there's this rage in me that makes me feel a fierry pit of hell when I see something that just doesn't make sense to me, something that makes someone else feel unworthy, alone.
I've always wanted to do these things, these crazy things alone. Live alone. Figure it out alone. Be alone. I’m happy alone. The thing is, I've been obssessed with the idea of being independent. I can remember when I’ve been hurt, and I don't want to ever be in that place again. Why would I open up my world to someone who was just going to tear it down again? Why would I give someone that kind of power?
I don't want to hurt again, I don't want to live in heartbreak again, I don't want to do it again, I can't do it again. I don't want to, I don't want to. I won't. I want to do this alone. I can do this alone.
But as I start to think about my life in these last few weeks, my life feels like a song. There's this symphony, swirling behind me, playing music I've never heard, filling my ears with music that i’ve never been used to. This song is comforting, it is sweet, and it is kind-hearted. This song wraps me up in its arms and makes me feel in a way that I've never felt before. This song won't judge me, it will only accept me. This song won't blame me, it will only hold me. The song won’t criticize me, it will only illuminate my broken parts for beautiful parts. This song puts me first, even in moments I can't understand why it would. This song is starting to make me believe in goodness, in kindness and in a kind of selfless love that I never knew another human could be capable of feeling. This song makes me feel like maybe it's okay to have it here. Okay, this song is starting to sound nothing like a song. lol.
Maybe it's okay to figure out life not alone. Maybe it's okay to wander and explore the world not alone. Maybe it's okay to dream of a better world not alone. Maybe it's okay to say your most weird, crazy, dark, overthought thoughts to someone, to think in a world, not alone. Maybe it's okay to fight evil not alone. Maybe it's okay to be a nomad, a dreamer, a thinker, and a fighter with someone great.
Let something great come in, even when it's scary, because at the end of my life, I realize that maybe, hey, maybe I don't want to do this alone.
You're never alone.
- teeny, tiny & terrified
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