Family
What a complicated thing.
Let's all get real. Family is a damn tough thing. You're basically forced to love someone who you were assigned to, just cause unfortunately you all share DNA, and whether or not they're damn difficult, whether or not they are totally against your beliefs, and yes, even if they have completely conflicting political views - you still gotta love them - and at the end of the day, they're all you got.
I haven't really talked much about family in my blogs but I think maybe it's time - because my family and I - I think we've reached the lowest of lows. I think we've reached a place where we are strong enough to finally admit that hey, we're not doing too good right now - in fact, we're doing kinda shittily. We've reached the point where we can finally stop pretending like things are all perfect, smiley and good. We've hit rock bottom, and we've finally come to a point where we all know individually, we aren't happy, we aren't okay. We aren't proud of ourselves, we are all going through shit that's hurting our hearts and sometimes we take each other for granted. We don't know how to process feelings, and while the people in our family is just trying to help, sometimes we seek our friends instead, or just want to be left alone.
Right now, my family is broken. And maybe that's hard for people to admit - that sometimes family can be dysfunctional - but I'm here to say that every family faces shitty shits. And that is okay.
We sat there, 5 of us around the big glass table. We're here to talk about our feelings. I, of course the emotional one called this meeting. It's time guys, I mean, we've known for a while, we all pretend like we don't know all the fucked up shit we each our feeling - so let's admit that we're not all okay. I start off by apologising, because at the end of the day, I can fail as a sister, as a daughter, scratch that, I can fail as a human being - and that's why you always have to be ready to apologise, because at the end of the day, there's always something to apologise for. You always could've handled the situation better than you did.
I sat there, teary eyed from the beginning, choking on the words flowing directly from my broken heart out to my four people, intently listening, intently understanding. I told them who had broken me, that I could only blame myself, what was going on, how I wasn't okay, and that there wasn't any point of the day when I wanted to take them for granted, when I wanted to be mean or nasty to them. I'm broken - and I needed some time to get through it. I needed some time to believe again, and I needed some time to get over the hurt that I accumulated throughout the entire year, how selfish I had become this year, and how I cared so much about protecting myself, I forgot about how I could hurt the ones around me.
We can all get so caught up about being right. At least, that's what my mom and I do - when someone comes at us, we feel emotional, we feel super defensive - because truth is, we're not good at being wrong. We're not trying to be what we're accused of being. We strive to be kind, to be good, to be a force of goodness in this world, and to make our loved ones happier than they already are. We fail at times and that leads us to come at each other, and in order to be right, we hurt each other even more by coming at each other again! Not a healthy thing to do I must say.
Many of us cry, we offer each other the tissues in our hands and we can't look at each other in the eye because truth is we've been keeping this in for so long, it's like a wave of everything pouring out of our souls and into the hearts of one another.
Sympathy.
Sympathy is what I felt - and the sense of togetherness, bond that I feel for my brother for listening, for my mother for understanding.
Of course the conversation doesn't go as planned, and yes, there were still moments where we weren't perfect, where some of us even gave up through half of it. Yes there was a sense of one of the family members "taking sides" and yes, there were moments where we got so worked up that we had to stop for a second and cry again.
But the night ended in a hug and a kiss on the forehead. It ended with one of us missing because she couldn't take all the emotional gooey shit happening. It ended with one of us realising we all knew about his girlfriend he'd been trying to oh-so-well keep behind the curtains. It ended with the other one realising you could never have seen it from their point of view. Sorries and truth spilt from well, mostly me, but also one mouth after the other, because the truth helps, the truth is what keeps us supportive and understanding.
So my advice to you?
Tell your family the truth. Tell them what's been bothering you, because at the end of the day, they really care. They really fucking care about you. They really want the sadness to go away, and they really want that stupid boy that literally doesn't realise how damn amazing you are to go away - they want what's best for you. Tell them the truth, because even though sometimes your friends want to kill you for talking about the same shit over and over again, they actually want to know. They actually want to know why you're upset - and they want to help.
Most importantly, in life - Know that sometimes you are selfish. Yeah you may think you're close to being Jesus sometimes, but you are still selfish at times and you may never even know it. It never hurts to apologise. The truth is, we need to take a step back and the biggest thing we can do is to realise and admit you were wrong - that you need to apologise. So apologise because you're not perfect. Apologise to your family because sometimes we take them for granted, it's a terrible curse that we all have - and tell them you love them.
Love your family, because at the end of the day, they really really fucking love you.
You're never alone.
- teeny, tiny, terrified and always a tung :)
Let's all get real. Family is a damn tough thing. You're basically forced to love someone who you were assigned to, just cause unfortunately you all share DNA, and whether or not they're damn difficult, whether or not they are totally against your beliefs, and yes, even if they have completely conflicting political views - you still gotta love them - and at the end of the day, they're all you got.
I haven't really talked much about family in my blogs but I think maybe it's time - because my family and I - I think we've reached the lowest of lows. I think we've reached a place where we are strong enough to finally admit that hey, we're not doing too good right now - in fact, we're doing kinda shittily. We've reached the point where we can finally stop pretending like things are all perfect, smiley and good. We've hit rock bottom, and we've finally come to a point where we all know individually, we aren't happy, we aren't okay. We aren't proud of ourselves, we are all going through shit that's hurting our hearts and sometimes we take each other for granted. We don't know how to process feelings, and while the people in our family is just trying to help, sometimes we seek our friends instead, or just want to be left alone.
Right now, my family is broken. And maybe that's hard for people to admit - that sometimes family can be dysfunctional - but I'm here to say that every family faces shitty shits. And that is okay.
We sat there, 5 of us around the big glass table. We're here to talk about our feelings. I, of course the emotional one called this meeting. It's time guys, I mean, we've known for a while, we all pretend like we don't know all the fucked up shit we each our feeling - so let's admit that we're not all okay. I start off by apologising, because at the end of the day, I can fail as a sister, as a daughter, scratch that, I can fail as a human being - and that's why you always have to be ready to apologise, because at the end of the day, there's always something to apologise for. You always could've handled the situation better than you did.
I sat there, teary eyed from the beginning, choking on the words flowing directly from my broken heart out to my four people, intently listening, intently understanding. I told them who had broken me, that I could only blame myself, what was going on, how I wasn't okay, and that there wasn't any point of the day when I wanted to take them for granted, when I wanted to be mean or nasty to them. I'm broken - and I needed some time to get through it. I needed some time to believe again, and I needed some time to get over the hurt that I accumulated throughout the entire year, how selfish I had become this year, and how I cared so much about protecting myself, I forgot about how I could hurt the ones around me.
We can all get so caught up about being right. At least, that's what my mom and I do - when someone comes at us, we feel emotional, we feel super defensive - because truth is, we're not good at being wrong. We're not trying to be what we're accused of being. We strive to be kind, to be good, to be a force of goodness in this world, and to make our loved ones happier than they already are. We fail at times and that leads us to come at each other, and in order to be right, we hurt each other even more by coming at each other again! Not a healthy thing to do I must say.
Many of us cry, we offer each other the tissues in our hands and we can't look at each other in the eye because truth is we've been keeping this in for so long, it's like a wave of everything pouring out of our souls and into the hearts of one another.
Sympathy.
Sympathy is what I felt - and the sense of togetherness, bond that I feel for my brother for listening, for my mother for understanding.
Of course the conversation doesn't go as planned, and yes, there were still moments where we weren't perfect, where some of us even gave up through half of it. Yes there was a sense of one of the family members "taking sides" and yes, there were moments where we got so worked up that we had to stop for a second and cry again.
But the night ended in a hug and a kiss on the forehead. It ended with one of us missing because she couldn't take all the emotional gooey shit happening. It ended with one of us realising we all knew about his girlfriend he'd been trying to oh-so-well keep behind the curtains. It ended with the other one realising you could never have seen it from their point of view. Sorries and truth spilt from well, mostly me, but also one mouth after the other, because the truth helps, the truth is what keeps us supportive and understanding.
So my advice to you?
Tell your family the truth. Tell them what's been bothering you, because at the end of the day, they really care. They really fucking care about you. They really want the sadness to go away, and they really want that stupid boy that literally doesn't realise how damn amazing you are to go away - they want what's best for you. Tell them the truth, because even though sometimes your friends want to kill you for talking about the same shit over and over again, they actually want to know. They actually want to know why you're upset - and they want to help.
Most importantly, in life - Know that sometimes you are selfish. Yeah you may think you're close to being Jesus sometimes, but you are still selfish at times and you may never even know it. It never hurts to apologise. The truth is, we need to take a step back and the biggest thing we can do is to realise and admit you were wrong - that you need to apologise. So apologise because you're not perfect. Apologise to your family because sometimes we take them for granted, it's a terrible curse that we all have - and tell them you love them.
Love your family, because at the end of the day, they really really fucking love you.
You're never alone.
- teeny, tiny, terrified and always a tung :)
Comments
Post a Comment
Ask me anything!